feeling me-sick

Me-sick, not being sick with myself, but missing the old me. The internet is a strange thing. From checking alexa ranks, I somehow managed to move on to wayback machine and found versions of this site that even I don’t have a backup, or not handy at least. Looking at these, even with some missing images and such, was looking at old pictures.

Same nostalgic feeling, loads of memories. Memories of trying to learn wordpress and css at the same time, trying to finish a redesign (or two) for the ’05 CSS reboot. Reading some of my previous entries made me laugh out loud and others filled me with melancholy.

I don’t tend to go back and read entries especially since I moved this site to expression engine and moved all the wordpress content to the archives Tonight I did though and it makes me feel a little bit sad.

I miss the energy I had, the time I could afford to spend on this blog, both on changing it all the time as well as actual blogging. Looking through old entries and designs I did not only see the website but my life and myself as they were back then. Not so long ago, less than 3 years, not such a different life, but somehow with less worries if it can be described like this.

The mistake was going through my backup drive and looking through random folders. Looking at pictures of my brother, my friends and myself just brought everything so back to life. Looking at old screenshots, wireframes and visuals for this blog and other projects, old folders with music I have played to death over the last few years just took me back. A BBC drum&bass xmass special with sappo and skibba made me cry. G-Sus!

If I’m feeling like this now how am I going to feel in 10yrs or when I’m an old lady, if I’m lucky enough to grow old? It also makes me waver on my “no pictures” policy. I hate having my picture taken, especially now that my thyroid is playing up and I feel like a baby elephant, but at the same time I realise that I will not have anything to look at when I’m a pruny old lady, retired in some small greek village.

Memories might fade or get tucked away in our minds, behind the everyday craziness and concerns, they might often also hurt, make us cry or laugh, but hell it’s such a good feeling to know you’ve done things and you have no regrets even if there is melancholy or sometimes pain. Cause even pain mellows with time…

07/Jan/2009

Tags: my days my moods - loose talk

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Comments

I had the same thing happen to me a few weeks back during the week before Christmas when I took the opportunity of painting to also archive or through away some old stuff. It brought back so many memories and lost friends…

Anyway I think of all that and I am gracious of being able to remember all that and play it over in my head because you never know what time will bring to you and what you will remember.

Also, when you find that geek village, I would also like to retire there. :)

That’s all I had to say I think… Happy New Year btw…

You know, what changes as time goes by is our innocence. It becomes less and less. At the same time we get tired more and more.
When you go back to your first website or an old post you meet a reflection of the same person, you, who dreamed more, was more innocent and sometimes clumsy.

Thankfully I still covet things.

We should exploit the Web, it can be a perfect place to restore our memory or even to make up stories in order to tell them later to our children.

@Constantinos: I already have the village and the house on the beach I will send you details in about 30yrs when we can retire :)

@porcupine: I too feel tired sometimes, or maybe a bit jaded but as you said I covet things, I still want to DO things, more things, better things, both web and non-web related.

And yes I do agree about exploiting the web and in general all our digital resources. It is the perfect environment to keep documenting our lives and our world for our descendants to find.